Parlez~me~'n~Tory

Rightly wry, satirically right

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorised from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.”

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.

It’s not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.”

They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose”.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

The Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!”. Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is “Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue us”.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, mate”.

Three more escalation levels remain, “Crikey!’, “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is cancelled”.

So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Gordon Brown, read it and weep:

Prime Minister
10 Downing Street
London
SW1A 2AA
23 September 2009

Dear Gordon

It is with considerable personal regret that I find myself writing to inform you of my decision to resign my positions as PPS to several ministers, principally the Solicitor General.

My decision comes about because as an aide to the Law Officers, whilst I have great personal regard for the Attorney General, I cannot support the decision which allows her to remain in office.

In my view the facts of the case do not matter. It is the principle which counts, particularly at a time when the publics’ trust of Whitehall is uncertain to say the least. We have to be seen to be accountable. In addition, could I just mention matters of policy where I believe leadership is vital.

On the constitution: We must legislate to offer a referendum on how we elect Members of the House of Commons. We must finish off reform of the House of Lords. Generally, I would urge you to move as quickly as possible to withdraw from Afghanistan and to signal a change in our position over Trident replacement.
Finally, on the economy, the Government is to be congratulated upon its clear-sighted and effective response to the downturn. You have my continued support in your resistance to David Cameron’s myopic and siren calls for an “Age of Austerity”.

My constituents benefit greatly from using our much-improved public services and they would not wish to see these jeopardised nor have our continued economic recovery put in doubt.

With best wishes
Yours sincerely
Stephen Hesford MP

Stephen, why do you say

cannot support the decision which allows her to remain in office

…then tell Paul Waugh the PM has your continued support? How does that work?

This morning I suggested this has a long way to run and so far it shows no sign of stopping.

Not since the days of James Purnell (all those weeks ago) has a resignation hit the headlines in such a fashion. Is Stephen Hesford MP the first of many?

This post is not going where you think it is, please read on.

Note: There are several versions of the name Gadaffi potentially used within this post deliberately, please see this citation.

A couple of weeks ago I suggested in my Lockerbie bomber al-Megrahi home for Ramadan! post that Mr al-Megrahi would be released, nothing dramatic there as it was widely reported to be a possibility.

I also asked the question

Were this man to be released would he recover dramatically in a Ronnie Biggs style fashion within days of his freedom?

Well, I believe the images that were broadcast of al-Megrahi both boarding the plane and leaving the plane could not be more contrasting, surprise, surprise eh?

I further suggested that

he be paraded on Libyan television as a permanent reminder that British Justice does not mean fairness…

…again, guess what? We’ve all seen the pictures, the mass waving of flags, the huge homecoming support! Simply wrong by anyone’s standards.

There has been much debate as to whether Mr al-Megrahi was actually innocent or whether he was a stooge given up by the Libyan Government in an attempt at satisfying international demands.

There will be further talk in the coming weeks as to whether the decision to release him was part of a trade deal so that British intererests could be dealt with favourably with upcoming oil field contracts.

If either of these things is true then we have the making of a Political scandal that will dog Britain for years to come.

However, there is another scandal that far outweighs the gravity of either the release of Mr al-Megrahi or the potentially seedy manner in which it was orchestrated.

The unsolved murder of WPC Yvonne Fletcher by an unidentified Libyan on 17th April 1984.

WPC Fletcher was on duty in St. James’s Square along with 30 of her colleagues to monitor a demonstration of dissidents opposed to the Libyan leader Colonel Gadaffi; among her colleagues on that fateful day was her fiancé.

It is a day I remember well, when you’re 17 years old major events hit hard and impact on your mind, this was one of those moments in my life.

The protest itself was voicing concern against the execution in Tripoli of two students who had heavily criticised the Libyan leader and for the two months prior to the protest the embassy had undergone a dramatic change from the diplomatic system that would normally staff it instead seeing Revolutionary Committees in charge; all with the quiet nod of the Libyan Government.

It is estimated that approximately 75 protestors arrived on the scene having been transported in whilst the police attempted to keep them separated from the loyalists staffing the embassy.

In the furore of the protest and at 18 minutes past 10 O’clock on the morning of 17th April, several bursts of shots were fired at the group of protestors, striking eleven people, including WPC Fletcher. In those days officers were unarmed and did not have body armour, consequently WPC Fletcher died of a stomach wound within an hour of arriving at hospital.

There has been much debate over the years as to whether the shots were fired from within the embassy though that is the general acceptance.

For the next 11 days the embassy was under siege by armed police with the most poignant reminder being beamed across the world of 5 police officer’s hats on the ground for the duration of the siege, one of those hats belonged to WPC Fletcher.

Colonel Gaddafi made much of his disgust that Libya’s diplomats were not given immunity and in a tit-for-tat act Libyan soldiers surrounded the British embassy in Tripoli.

After 11 long days finally the British Government allowed the embassy staff to depart the embassy and promptly expelled them. From this moment on all diplomatic relations with Libya were suspended. There was some bad planning on the timing of the release of the staff as it coincided with the day of WPC Fletcher’s funeral, I would suggest that was another diplomatic mistake.

10 years ago in July of 1999 the Libyan government formally accepted general responsibility for the murder and agreed compensation for the family.

As I have previously alluded to there are claims and counter-claims that the shots were fired from elsewhere and there has even been conspiracy theorists stating that the CIA amongst other agencies were involved with the shooting. Whilst these have been given much publicity over the years including a televised documentary I believe we have to go with what we know and what the facts can tell us.

There has also been several claims that the murderer was himself executed upon his return to Libya though this is likely to be a smokescreen spouted by the Libyan government.

With the recent release of Mr al-Megrahi it seems that Queenie Fletcher, mother of Yvonne now has even less chance of attaining that justice that has eluded her for over 25 years.

I make an impassioned please to the people of Britain, Please, you have the power to change the ending to this very sad story. DO IT!

On 21st December 1988 exactly 38 minutes after take-off from London 259 passengers who were on board Pan Am Flight 103 were murdered.

Moments later a further 11 people on the ground also died as the wreckage wreaked havoc on the Scottish town of Lockerbie.

Total: 270 men, women and children killed. Countless individuals affected forever.

Since 15th March 2002 Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi has been a prisoner at HMP Barlinnie, Glasgow after being found guilty of the atrocity.

24th November 2003 Megrahi’s sentence was increased to a minimum of 27 years in jail after a change in Scottish law.

Less than 6 years after this change and just 7 years after the initial sentence (leaving 20+ years still to serve) it appears that Mr al-Megrahi will be home with his family and a free man in time for Ramadan, just a few short days away.

The Scottish Government are currently denying that any agreement is in force, and whilst that may have been true at the time they made their statement, watch this space. What if that were to change dramatically over the next few hours or days?

On 25th July 2009 after failing to gain the release of al-Megrahi by claiming the evidence was wholly circumstantial al-Megrahi’s legal team have requested he be released on compassionate grounds due to his illness; he is suffering from terminal prostate cancer.

Where was your compassion Mr al-Megrahi when you murdered these people?

Where was your remorse when you were convicted?

Were this man to be released would he recover dramatically in a Ronnie Biggs style fashion within days of his freedom?

Would he be paraded on Libyan television as a permanent reminder that British Justice does not mean fairness?

Britain would once again be portrayed as an easy option, a soft target despite the rhetoric that she shall not negotiate with terrorists. That’s right, she won’t! {Unless it’s a little unfair to them and might hurt their feelings}.

As for Mr al-Megrahi, as a consequence of this announcement today and in the coming days he can begin to pack his bags safely in the knowledge that he will have served less than 9 days per death in prison!

That, by anyone’s reckoning is a national disgrace.