Parlez~me~'n~Tory

Rightly Wry, Satirically RIGHT

One of my favourite works of art…artist unknown

The state of our country

As stated, I don’t do caption contests, but if I did and with all eyes on Dave in this G8 image from yesterday this would be prime for something referencing Gillian Duffy, Sue and a man who shall not be named

...and then he said

A warning to the Government of cutting too deeply without proper consultation:

Ten Civil Servants standing in a line
One of them was downsized
Then there were nine

Nice Civil Servants who must negotiate
One joined the union
Then there were eight

Eight Civil Servants thought they were in heaven
‘til one of them was redeployed
Then there were seven

Seven Civil Servants, their jobs are safe as bricks
One was reclassified
Then there were six

Six Civil Servants trying to survive
One of them was privatised
Then there were five

Five Civil Servants ready to give more
But one left on long-term sick
Reducing them to four

Four Civil Servants full of loyalty
Then their jobs were advertised
And now there were three

Three Civil Servants under review
One left on secondment
Then there were two

Two Civil Servants coping on the run
One went on stress leave
Then there was one

The last Civil Servant agreed to relocate
Replaced by 10 consultants
At thrice the hourly rate

Sit down. Put the gramophone on. Select the Moody Blues:

We,ve already said
Goodbye
Since you gotta go, oh you’d better
Go now go now, go now (Go now)
Before you see me cry
I don’t want you to tell me just what you intend to do now
‘Cause how many times do I have to tell you darlin’, darlin’
I’m still in love with you now
Whoa-oh-oh-oh

We’ve already said
So long
I don’t wanna see you go, oh you’d better
Go now go now, go now (Go now)
Don’t you even try
Tellin’ me that you really don’t want it to end this way
‘Cause darlin’, darlin’, can’t you see I want you to stay
Yeah, yeah

Since you gotta go, oh you’d better
Go now go now, go now (Go now)
Before you see me cry
I don’t want you to tell me just what you intend to do now
‘Cause how many times do I have to tell you darlin’, darlin’
I’m still in love still in love with you now
Whoa-oh-oh-oh
I don’t wanna see you go but darlin’, you better go now

I knew he reminded me of someone this week – REDRUM

VERY scary man - here's Tony!

Image of a less scary man

Parlez_me_nTory is not in the least bit tempted to caption this image DANCE BITCH!

Gordon Brown goes on a state visit to Israel . While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and passes away. The undertaker tells the British Diplomats accompanying him, ‘You can have him shipped home for £5,000,000 or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land , for just £100.’

The British Diplomats go into a corner and discuss for a minute. They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Gordon shipped home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks, ‘Why would you spend £5,000,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only £100? With the money you save you could help pay back some of the deficit, help pay for the Olympic Games or help the elderly’.

The British Diplomats replied, ‘Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can’t take the risk.’

While walking down the street one day a “Member of Parliament” is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

Welcome to heaven

says St. Peter.

Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you

No problem, just let me in

says the man.

Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity

Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven

says the MP.

I’m sorry, but we have our rules

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises….

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

Now it’s time to visit heaven

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers:

Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

I don’t understand

stammers the MP.

Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?

The devil looks at him, smiles and says,

Yesterday we were campaigning..

…Today you voted

…my thanks to @WicksieSnr for this little gem