Parlez~me~'n~Tory

Rightly wry, satirically right

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorised from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.”

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.

It’s not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.”

They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose”.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

The Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!”. Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is “Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue us”.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, mate”.

Three more escalation levels remain, “Crikey!’, “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is cancelled”.

So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Living in Frome, Somerset it upsets me that not only do we have a Liberal Democrat as our MP (David Heath) but the so called ‘FREE Press’, isn’t.

Several times I have had letters rebuffed by the local press and the latest was just a few days ago. I also sent the letter to the Daily Telegraph hoping that they would have the decency to print it, alas, they did not.

[...it has been suggested by Phil Woodford [a fellow Twitterer and an all round good egg] that perhaps I should have signed it Lt Col (rtd) to secure publication…considering putting it on my next one!]

As a consequence I have decided to print it below:

Dear Sir,

Last week the final barrier to the full ratification of the EU’s Lisbon Treaty was overcome and on the First day of December it will be entered into law in all 27 member countries.

Despite all three main political parties promising the nation a referendum at the 2005 election we have not been given the opportunity to vote on this renamed constitution.

In 2007, following a local referendum in this highly marginal seat of Somerton and Frome over 90% of people who exercised the right to vote gave a clear ‘NO’ to the constitution. In essence, more people voted in favour of a referendum than for David Heath to be our representative, which in turn forced our MP to vote with the Conservatives in Parliament in support of a plebiscite.

Now that the Treaty has been ratified (albeit by consequential means), I wonder if he still believes we should have a referendum on it, or whether his vote was simply gesture politics and he has since retreated to the default Liberal Democrat position of just having an “in or out” referendum – which they hope will result in a win for the euro-fanatics?

If we are to see a repatriation of powers to our democratically elected Parliament rather than being dictated to from Brussels, we must have a strong government that is willing to fight for our country, as David Cameron made clear last week he would do should he win the General Election.

Ultimately, the question begs, will David Heath resign again in order to support our country?

Yours faithfully

Message to Gordon Brown: You’re down, you’re out and I am pretty sure that you’re replacement (whichever fool that turns out to be) is very grateful that you are keeping their seat warm for now.

Following yesterday’s odd decision regarding the recent #againsttheodds campaign and the massive onslaught of derision it brought from anyone else other than Labourites and Socialists it is not surprising that once again Gordon has attempted to turn the attention away from another bad judgement that he has presided over.

It seems that the PM has nothing better to do for the next 48hrs than to sit around No10 Nokia in hand and call EU leaders in a final attempt to get old chummy Blair in the peach of a #1 slot.

There is some consternation that Tony Blair may get in by default as the ‘best of a bad bunch’ [doesn't say much, does it?] Currently Herman Van Rompuy the Belgian Prime Minister is the lead 2nd/3rd place by the majority of voters

The process is being co-ordinated by Swedish prime minister Fredrik Reinfeldt and it is heavily rumoured that the new president, and a new EU ‘Foreign Secretary’ must be nominated and selected prior to a summit in Brussels on Thursday.

I’ve spent some pretty ropey times in Belgium at the behest of our nation and in truth I cannot think of a more mundane place outside of Labour Party HQ but despite his ridiculous calls for Euoropean symbolism over National symbolism even Parlez~me~’n~Tory would willingly support old Herman if it meant that Blair was sidelined.

Yes, Parlez~me~’n~Tory would compromise his own views for the good of our country; something our current Prime Minister seems incapable of.

David Cameron and William Hague have set out how the Conservative Party will deal with the ratification of the Lisbon Treaty and any future transfer of powers to the EU.

I am sick and tired of listening to Labour Party supporters in their ivory towers complaining of how David Cameron cannot be trusted since removing his ‘cast iron‘ guarantee to hold a referendum.

I can’t pretend I am not disappointed because I am but we need to ask ourselves why it got to this point, why was the country holding its breath on the decision of a President in the Czech Republic?

My disappointment is heavy but that is nothing compared to the anger at the Government for reneging on its manifesto pledge [which was] to hold a referendum within this parliament (their 2005 manifesto states)

The EU now has 25 members and will continue to expand

The new Constitutional Treaty ensures the new Europe can work effectively, and that Britain keeps control of key national interests like foreign policy, taxation, social security and defence.

The Treaty sets out what the EU can do and what it cannot. It strengthens the voice of national parliaments and governments in EU affairs.

It is a good treaty for Britain and for the new Europe.

We will put it to the British people in a referendum and campaign whole-heartedly for a ‘Yes’ vote to keep Britain a leading nation in Europe.

The Labour Party claims that since the name has changed from Constitutional Treaty to Lisbon Treaty all bets are off; even the author of the Treaty claims it is essentially the same and offers no fundamental change.

My angst is also hugely directed at the supporters of the very same Government’s decision who now claim that the Official Opposition should have done something about this situation.

They forget that the opposition cannot make the rules. These people are complaining heavily in Twitter as with the following comments which are but a handful of quotes I received today:

Isn’t about parties – Lab didn’t hold a referendum, for same reasons DC committed to one he knew would never happen.

In short, it’s about realism: Britain could not afford a “no” vote. The rest is populist rhetoric.

Uh no, it was debated by parliament and the house of lords, and voted upon by both houses

Do you mean lie like offering ‘cast iron guarantees’ which conveniently get dropped?

But if treaty is different to constitution and there is no need for a vote. It’s really just Tory anti-Europeanism

Avoiding the real issue and pushing out smoke screens really gets my goat.

It puts me very much in mind of first thing this morning following an article on Gordon Brown in the Telegraph that had the following headline Gordon Brown says David Cameron is a ‘very good politician’ It was put to the Twitter world by a TwitterUser that

Gordon Brown stands up for fairness and Tories spin interview on one comment on Cameron http://bit.ly/3USsVp

I shan’t go into the whole conversation exchange at this point but suffice to say that I questioned the use of the word ’spin’ I cited another example of the same article on the same blog with an alternative headline that was favourable to the PLP, I cited countless examples to counter the Tweets from this user in the end the user simply said the following

@Parlez_me_nTory Whether valid not your call, mate. Link came up, I clicked, I commented. Tough if you don’t like it.

That’s the idiocy that really gets me, and this is from a PPC! Despite claiming half-way through our exchange that they prefer to debate ‘real issues’ that never materialised.

I still believe we will see something special from the Conservative Party tomorrow regarding the new Europe stance, that is my belief and I am entitled to it at least until 1st December when the Lisbon Treaty comes into effect.

Incidentally, the 2005 manifesto also states

On the euro,we maintain our common-sense policy.

The determining factor underpinning any government decision is the national economic interest and whether the case for joining is clear and unambiguous. The five economic tests must be met before any decision to join can be made.

If the Government were to recommend joining, it would be put to a vote in Parliament and a referendum of the British people.

…and do you really think they would’ve let you cast an X on that one? Think again!

David Cameron, heed the warning.

On 2nd October the good people of Ireland will once again have the chance to vote on the Lisbon Treaty.

This is the second time that the unpopular Government has attempted to force the treaty onto its people but following the resounding NO vote in the first referendum last June when Irish voters rejected the Treaty 53.4% to 46.6% the Government cannot afford to take any chances.

At least their Government is letting them have their say; take note #GoBro!

After 12 years of weakened coalition Governments Ireland is still suffering the worst recession of any European Union state and therefore the fate of the treaty is once again finely balanced.

The current tactics employed by Brian Cowen are almost that of a marionette craftilly controlling his puppets; in this case the puppets are high profile businessmen who are only too happy to state the party line and extole the virtues of the YES campaign.

The cynic in me see this as a major problem as the only businessmen who are rich enough to step aboard are those that wish to sit squarely in the pocket of the European Commission. For instance, Michael O’Leary, the chief executive of Ryanair and Jim O’Hara, the chief executive of Intel in Ireland have both made timely reports and pledges to the cause.

Why does that matter? Well, Intel has lodged an appeal to the European Commission against the €1.06 billion (£935m) fine imposed for anti-competitive practices and are currently negotiating this fine downwards, therefore you can see why it would literally pay to be in the Commission’s pocket.

What of Ryanair with its 30% stake in Aer Lingus?

Aer Lingus are already struggling to get a decent court hearing regarding the grossly uncompetitive and damaging situation with Ryanair taking such a large stake that they are seeking to get them removed from the shareholder’s register.

Should that be allowed to occur then another airline could purchase the Ryanair stake and put their profits in jeapordy, another situation whereby it is plainly obvious that it would literally pay to be in the Commission’s pocket.

The problem we have here is that the Irish voters have already said NO so why does the Government think it should have the right to force them to vote again?

Maybe the Coalition should take another look at their constitution, specifically Article 6.1 which states

All power of government, legislative, executive and judicial, derive, under God, from the people, whose right it is to designate the rulers of the state and, in final appeal, to decide all questions of national policy, according to the requirements of the common good

This clearly says it all, from the people and that is where it should have stayed.

There really is only one way to vote Ireland, please use your common sense and do not be fooled by snake oil salesmen.