Parlez~me~'n~Tory

Rightly wry, satirically right

Pardon me for saying so but I smell a rat.

Not your average Westminster rat that can oft be found amongst the rubble of the Palace of Westminster but an altogether dirtier and larger rat, and it’s coming to a briefing near you very soon.

Now that we have moved on from the botched coup whereby it has since been disclosed that Harriet Harman was the Cabinet Minister who failed to come out in support of the Snow Plot we see the rise in electioneering hitting new heights.

So what’s the latest on when we will be offered the chance to vote out this weak and ineffectual Government? Well, if you’ve been listening this week you will know that it is May 6th without a shadow of a doubt.

Well, hang on, let’s just take a moment to ponder that shall we? What proof do we have?

Thus far we have only two dodgy claims that May 6th will be #GE10.

The first whereby Chris Bryant ‘claims’ to know the date and uttered it quite clearly in front of a diplomatic think-tank.

Why would he? Not for any other reason than because he knew it would be reported with gusto. [I smell that rat feeding hard and fast on Mandelson prime cuts of propaganda]

The seed had been sewn and so the media were on the look out for a second faux pas. Guess what? They didn’t have to wait long when today Andy Burnham attempted to ‘accidentally’ suggest the date would be May. Again, why?

This all smacks of a smokescreen to me to put the Opposition on the back foot to take the foot off the gas pedal and one that I may be on my own supporting but hey ho, that’s what it’s like sometimes. You have to go with your gut feeling. Much the same as I did with the TV debates that I still feel will fail to materialise.

What other factors could prevent Gordon Brown from calling May 6th as #GE10?

Firstly May 6th is Tony Blair’s birthday and that alone is enough to deter #GoBro

Here are a few other issues that took place on May 6th that may make Gordon think twice with the hand of history on our shoulders:

1527 – Spanish and German troops sack Rome; some consider this the end of the Renaissance. 147 Swiss Guards, including their commander, die fighting the forces of Charles V in order to allow Pope Clement VII to escape into Castel Sant’Angelo.

1536 – King Henry VIII orders English language Bibles be placed in every church.

1542 – Francis Xavier reaches Old Goa, the capital of Portuguese India at the time.

1682 – Louis XIV of France moves his court to Versailles.

1757 – Battle of Prague – A Prussian army fights an Austrian army in Prague during the Seven Years’ War.

1816 – The American Bible Society is founded in New York City.

1835 – James Gordon Bennett, Sr. publishes the first issue of the New York Herald.

1840 – The Penny Black postage stamp becomes valid for use in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland.

1857 – The British East India Company disbands the 34th Regiment of Bengal Native Infantry whose sepoy Mangal Pandey had earlier revolted against the British and is considered to be the First Martyr in the War of India’s Independence.

1860 – Giuseppe Garibaldi’s Mille expedition sets sail from Genoa to the Kingdom of the Two Sicilies.

1861 – American Civil War: Arkansas secedes from the Union.

1861 – American Civil War: Richmond, Virginia is declared the new capital of the Confederate States of America.

1863 – American Civil War: The Battle of Chancellorsville ends with the defeat of the Army of the Potomac by Confederate troops.

1877 – Chief Crazy Horse of the Oglala Sioux surrenders to United States troops in Nebraska.

1882 – Thomas Henry Burke and Lord Frederick Cavendish are stabbed and killed during the Phoenix Park Murders in Dublin.

1882 – The United States Congress passes the Chinese Exclusion Act.

1889 – The Eiffel Tower is officially opened to the public at the Universal Exposition in Paris.

1910 – George V becomes King of the United Kingdom upon the death of his father, Edward VII.

1935 – New Deal: Executive Order 7034 creates the Works Progress Administration.

1935 – The first flight of the Curtiss P-36 Hawk.

1937 – Hindenburg disaster: The German zeppelin Hindenburg catches fire and is destroyed within a minute while attempting to dock at Lakehurst, New Jersey. Thirty-six people are killed.

1940 – John Steinbeck is awarded the Pulitzer Prize for his novel The Grapes of Wrath.

1941 – At California’s March Field, Bob Hope performs his first USO show.

1941 – The first flight of the Republic P-47 Thunderbolt.

1942 – World War II: On Corregidor, the last American forces in the Philippines surrender to the Japanese.

1945 – World War II: Axis Sally delivers her last propaganda broadcast to Allied troops (first was on December 11, 1941).

1945 – World War II: The Prague Offensive, the last major battle of the Eastern Front, begins.

1954 – Roger Bannister becomes the first person to run the mile in under four minutes.

1960 – More than 20 million viewers watch the first televised royal wedding when Princess Margaret marries Anthony Armstrong-Jones at Westminster Abbey.

1962 – St. Martín de Porres is canonized by Pope John XXIII.

1966 – Myra Hindley and Ian Brady are sentenced to life imprisonment for the Moors Murders in England.

1967 – B52 Bombers dropped tons of explosives on North Vietnamese bunkers and troop positions

1972 – Deniz Gezmiş, Yusuf Aslan and Hüseyin İnan are executed in Ankara for attempting to overthrow the Constitutional order.

1976 – An earthquake strikes Friuli, causing 989 deaths and the destruction of entire villages.

1981 – A jury of architects and sculptors unanimously selects Maya Ying Lin’s design for the Vietnam Veterans Memorial from 1,421 other entries.

1983 – The Hitler diaries are revealed as a hoax after examination by experts.

1984 – 103 Korean Martyrs are canonized by Pope John Paul II in Seoul

1988 – An airplane flying from Namsos to Brønnøysund in Norway crashes into the side of the Torghatten mountain, killing all 36 passengers and crew.

1989 – Cedar Point opens Magnum XL-200, the first roller coaster to break the 200 ft height barrier, therefore spawning what is considered to be the coaster wars.

1994 – Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom and French President François Mitterrand officiate at the opening of the Channel Tunnel.

1994 – Former Arkansas state worker Paula Jones files suit against President Bill Clinton, alleging that he had sexually harassed her in 1991.

1996 – The body of former CIA director William Colby is found washed up on a riverbank in southern Maryland, eight days after he disappeared.

1997 – The Bank of England is given independence from political control, the most significant change in the bank’s 300-year history.

1998 – Kerry Wood strikes out 20 Houston Astros to tie the major league record held by Roger Clemens. He threw a one-hitter and did not walk a batter in his 5th career start.

1999 – First elections to the devolved Scottish Parliament and Welsh Assembly held.

2001 – During a trip to Syria, Pope John Paul II becomes the first pope to enter a mosque.

2002 – Dutch politician Pim Fortuyn is assassinated by an animal rights activist.

2008 – Chaiten Volcano erupts in Chile, forcing the evacuation of more than 4,500 people.

Think long and hard Gordon, there’s some pretty gory scenes up there for May 6th; care to add to them?

In true panto spirit Alistair Darling today announced something more akin to the truth that faces this country.

Ministry Of Misinformation representative pictured adjacent to Comical Ali(stair)

Seems that even today Gordon Brown has a problem with the ‘C’ word. Call that election Gordon and you’ll know what a job cut really is.

With deepest thanks to AngryOfCroydon for this contribution.

Government spends £220m a year on ‘professional communications experts’.

It would be laughable if it wasn’t so scary. The Government can just throw this kind of money away in an attempt to pretty-up their message and their recycled policies and sell them to the British public using their own money.

It’s all a far cry from the day the Parliamentary Labour Party stole the choice of power from the people of Britain by denying us the right to vote for our Prime Minister and instead made the mistake of their entire lives by installing Gordon Brown.

The day Gordon Brown stood on the steps of No10 as the PM he laid claim to the future of Britain that would be led by

A government of ‘all the talents’ and an end to spin

Well, thus far I have seen very little talent both within their ranks and from those appointments they have made so much of a public fan fair of and as for claiming to putting an end to spin…

…an end to spin? Hardly.

There are now 3,284 staff employed in departmental press and communication directorates prostituting their wares for the benefit of this weak and ineffectual Government.

Coupled with this we have another [circa] 700 staff who are responsible for getting the message to the public and making clear the message to other agencies.

These eye watering statistics were obtained from the Central Office of Information ‘White Book’ of Government and agency press officers by Nick Hurd MP.

An end to spin? Not under this Government.

An end to lies and deception? Not under this Government.

An end to boom and bust? You know the answer.

So far, not even an end to the recession.

Just as an aside and seeing as we’ve mentioned the day Brown came to power I was just wondering how the PLP felt now seeing as it was them that voted Harriet Harman to be the deputy leader of the Party and not Alan Johnson. Would they care to turn the clock back, just a little?