Parlez~me~'n~Tory

Rightly Wry, Satirically RIGHT

Ok, I did not expect to come out of retirement with my thumb so soon but I guess needs must. Today the Twitter world as well as the “real” media is full of David Laws and his apparent breach of the parliamentary rules governing MPs’ second home expenses.

There is a lot of speculation and argument about the exact situation of Laws and his partner, his sexuality and his right to rent rooms from his alleged lover. This is all going to become rather messier than it is even at present. I shall not enter into discussion regarding the private life of David Laws and I believe others should let that alone too but that is entirely up to them.

What I believe should happen now is that the Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg should act by advising his Minister to resign his post by the end of the weekend. Now is the perfect time with Parliament being in recess, this would give chance for a new Cabinet Minister to get up to speed over the next few days.

This would also remove any overhang from the old politics that we so eagerly sought to move away from. This will also enable the Coalition, the Lib Dems and David Laws to stand on the moral high ground and enforce the reality of honest politicis upon the nation.

I believe right now that David Cameron is probably briefing Nick Clegg to the effect of the above and it will become clearer within the next 24hrs that David Laws will resign his Cabinet post for the sake of the Coalition, the nation and what is right for British politics.

Yes, Laws was in the wrong but Britain does not need another 5 years of hypocrisy from our Government and the Coalition does not need to be handing easy targets to the Opposition.

As described to me on Twitter by @SnappingLawyer this morning “The show must go on!”

With England now the World Champions in the Twenty20 it seems appropriate to use a cricketing analogy to describe the predicament that Jon Bercow finds himself in.

It is fair that Nadine, Kate and others can call the vote for the chair of the Speaker, after all, this House is supposed to be the bastion of democracy, the last place whereby man can call his master to account.

With that in mind it is somewhat disappointing that Twitter is full of self-interested bloggers today calling Nadine a liar and a spiteful person. What Nadine is doing in fact is issuing more chance for free speech than these bloggers ever have or ever will.

Personally, I hope the vote is called for Mr Bercow today. The vote would take place as an open vote, we would all know where those die-hard MPs had voted or indeed where those newbie’s had voted. Or, whether either had abstained.

One could argue that to usher in the new form of Politics, leaving behind the old term bias and scandal we need to have a vote on the Speaker. In my personal view Jon Bercow has done an admirable job, not spectacular but admirable, he, however, has let himself down on a number of ocasions but I put that down to the heat of the moment in the Political meltdown that was the death of the previous Government, a man is permitted to mourn.

So, at 14:30 Sir Peter Tapsell, The Father of the House will call for the Aye’s and the No’s and there will be sufficient No’s that in Sir Peter’s mind the House will split and a vote forced.

That vote will see the return of Jon Bercow to the role of Mr Speaker and leave Ming Campbell rueing his missed opportunity.

Jon Bercow will be returned not because he is necessarily the best man for the job but because this would be one change too far in too quick a time for the House to subsume. It is right that his authority is tested but the public would not thank the Coalition for what would be seen as a “dirty tricks” campaign to unseat The Speaker of the House.

Jon Bercow will be returned simply because now is not the time to do this.

So, Nick, given that you told your spring conference this

and last year you said

Only the Liberal Democrats will clean up Westminster, reform expenses

…and given that Chris Huhne said this at your spring conference

Remember not a single Liberal Democrat MP flipped their home.

Not a single Lib Dem MP avoided capital gains tax.

Not a single Lib Dem MP in London claimed a second home allowance at all.

How can you explain this headline MPs’ expenses: Lib Dem MPs broke rules by taking landlord payments

Is there any chance of YOU standing up to apologise in next weeks #pmqs?

In 1975 Freddie Mercury and Queen, recorded “A night at the opera” on that album there was a track called “Death on two legs”.

This, in my opinion is the most descriptive set of words ever compiled to discuss the dreadful subject that is Gordon Brown and the effect he has had on Britain.

The lyrics to “Death on two legs” follows as does a “soundtrack” video.

Watch and READ: For those ex-military, WATCH AND READ

Death on two legs

You suck my blood like a leech
You break the law and you preach
Screw my brain till it hurts
You’ve taken all my money
And you want more
Misguided old mule with your pig headed rules
With your narrow minded cronies
Who are fools of the first division
Death on two legs
You’re tearing me apart
Death on two legs
You’ve never had a heart of your own
Kill joy bad guy big talking small fry
You’re just an old barrow boy
Have you found a new toy to replace me?
Can you face me?
But now you can kiss my ass goodbye
Feel good are you satisfied?
Do you feel like suicide?
(i think you should)
Is your conscience all right
Does it plague you at night?
Do you feel good feel good?

You talk like a big business tycoon
You’re just a hot air balloon
So no one gives you a damn
You’re just an overgrown schoolboy
Let me tan your hide
A dog with disease
You’re the king of the ‘sleaze’
Put your money where your mouth is
Mister know-all
Was the fin on your back
Part of the deal? (shark)
Death on two legs
You’re tearing me apart
Death on two legs
You’ve never had a heart (you never did) of your own
(right from the start)
Insane you should be put inside
You’re a sewer rat decaying in a cesspool of pride
Should be made unemployed
Then make yourself null and void
Make me feel good i feel good

Do you agree? Do you have a better alternative?

Do you want to do something for your country?

Do you want to show support for that once great man in our history? Guy [Guido] Fawkes?

Join Old Holborn on his annual trip as he celebrates The Only Man Ever To Enter Parliament With Honest Intentions.

I shall certainly be trying to make it on the day!

Here’s a very good reason why we should REMEMBER REMEMBER…

Good evening, London. Allow me first to apologize for this interruption.

I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of every day routine- the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition. I enjoy them as much as any bloke.

But in the spirit of commemoration, whereby those important events of the past usually associated with someone’s death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, are celebrated with a nice holiday, I thought we could mark this November the 5th, a day that is sadly no longer remembered, by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat.

There are of course those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now, orders are being shouted into telephones, and men with guns will soon be on their way.

Why?

Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn’t there?

Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, think, and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen?

Who’s to blame?

Well, certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you’re looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror

Following the Conference season during the past couple of weeks which was towards the end of the prolonged summer recess today is the day where our beloved MP’s make their way back for the first day of term.

In case you’ve forgotten, 17th July 2009 was the last day in the office and since then it’s just been fun all the way!

We’ve had Nick Clegg pleading like a spoilt child I want to be Prime Minister, we’ve had the leader of this once great nation admit that the Tories were right all along and that there will be cu*ts, lots of them and we shouldn’t trust the Tories because their cuts will be the horrible kind, and we’ve had David Cameron and George Osborne stand up and tell it like it is and watched them be lambasted for their honesty in the Left leaning press.

It’s also been a time of TWATS and CHUMPS!

Ah, yes, we also had this great BULLSHIT ALERT from Gordon Brown (#GoBro) himself.

How fitting then that today that the rank and file MP’s who’ve covered themselves in such glory during this recess have to return to more investigative research into their expenses, let’s see just how much the Prime Minister HAS to PAY BACK.

It’s great to be back!

With the advent of today’s front page in The SUN we can safely assume that New Labour has finally excorcised the ghost of Tony Blair.

Add to that the weight of the endorsement for David Cameron and it’s very difficult to see how ANY member of the PLP can paint this in a good light.

Gordon Brown waves goodbye (to his job)

In 1997 Tony Blair had the enthusiasm and vigour to lift his Party into power the public opinion of the Government of the day was stale, weak, feeble (seem familiar)?

Tony Blair did do some good work as Leader of his Party but he also made some horrific mistakes as Prime Minister of this country some of which he has yet to stand accountable for. But New Labour was nothing without its founding fathers, the Campbells, the Mandelsons and the Blairs. Once Gordon Brown forced them out of the picture he effectively applied for his own P45.

Following yestereday’s speech at the Labour Party conference in Brighton Gordon Brown stands even more isolated amongst his Party. The Cabinet were full of glowing praise yesterday but I maintain this will last only a very short time.

Already in several interviews this morning Cabinet members have been wheeled out to explain the drop in support from The SUN. Their response?

Papers have no influence. It wasn’t The SUN what won it in ’97

Typically Labour, deceit to the end. Not just to the electorate but also to themselves.

Turn the speakers up, sit back and enjoy the history that makes us what we are.