Parlez~me~'n~Tory
Rightly Wry, Satirically RIGHT

Archive for August 6th, 2009

Gordon Brown, YOU broke The Civil Service code!

Thu ,06/08/2009

Certain things in life are taken as read, Death, Taxes and the fact that this Government will lie to you.

Over the years those lies have become part of the norm, an accepted part of interaction with the Government. Since New Labour came to power in 1997 this country has been flooded with the numerous lies of Alistair Campbell and Peter Mandelson dressed up as spin.

A lie is a lie is a lie.

Now it seems that the Government has had enough of lying. At least they’ve had enough of telling their own lies and are now forcing members of our once great institution HM Civil Service to tell those lies on their behalf.

The rule is simple: A Civil Servant. A Public Servant. A Crown Servant. 3 names, 1 role. Serve the Government of the day in a non-partisan and unbiased way.

The Political pawns that are The Civil Service

The Political pawns that are The Civil Service


In return the promise is simple: A Civil Servant shall not be used as a Political pawn.

The Civil Servant is expected to execute their duties to the Government of the day with Political Neutrality.

Furthermore, The Civil Service has a long tradition, dating back to the reforms that followed from a devastating critique of Civil Service practices published in 1854 by the Northcote-Trevelyan Committee. The report commented that :

admission to the Civil Service is eagerly sought after…for the unambitious, the indolent or incapable…where they may obtain an honourable livelihood with little labour or risk

Since then, one of a number of guiding principles within The Service have remained unchanged (if not, perhaps, unchallenged) to this day. Amongst others: a largely career-based, “permanent” civil service giving honest, impartial and non-political (i.e. non-partisan) advice to the Government of whatever party happens to be in power.

Unchanged that is, until this Government became so bogged down with self importance and began to put its own Party agenda ahead of that of the country.

A good quote from Martin Sixsmith in yesterday’s Telegraph:

Nowadays Civil Service neutrality is no more than a distant memory.
Instead of providing impartial, factual information, official press releases are stuffed with tendentious party propaganda, massaged statistics and disinformation against political opponents

Sadly, this is all too true. It also seems that Sixsmith has long pondered the very subject of politicising Government communicators.

Afghanistan – The Enemy Within

Thu ,06/08/2009

In the year of our lord 1895 a British Poet, Rudyard Kipling wrote a poem about the appalling conditions within which British Troops were called upon to operate in Afghanistan, entitled The Young British Soldier.

Fast forward to the year of our lord 2009 and an equally bitter and bloody war stumbles on with familiar overtones regarding conditions, equipment and the standard of respect and support for the families of the troops.

A new poem came to light yesterday that reflects on the current war in Afghanistan. The similarities are thought provoking.

Afghanistan (With apologies To Kipling), by an anonymous British soldier

When you’re lying alone in your Afghan bivvy,
And your life it depends on some MOD civvie
When the body armour’s shared (one set between three),
And the firefight’s not like it is on TV,
Then you’ll look to your oppo, your gun and your God,
As you follow that path all Tommies have trod.

When the gimpy has jammed and you’re down to one round,
And the faith that you’d lost is suddenly found.
When the Taliban horde is close up to the fort,
And you pray that the arty don’t drop a round short.
Stick to your sergeant like a good squaddie should,
And fight them like satan or one of his brood

Your pay it won’t cover your needs or your wants,
So just stand there and take all the Taliban’s taunts
Nor generals nor civvies can do aught to amend it,
Except make sure you’re kept in a place you can’t spend it.
Three fifty an hour in your Afghani cage,
Not nearly as much as the minimum wage.

Your missus at home in a foul married quarter
With damp on the walls and a roof leaking water
Your kids miss their mate, their hero, their dad;
They’re missing the childhood that they should have had
One day it will be different, one day by and by,
As you all stand there and watch, to see the pigs fly

Just like your forebears in mud, dust and ditch
You’ll march and you’ll fight, and you’ll drink and you’ll bitch
Whether Froggy or Zulu, or Jerry, or Boer
The Brits will fight on ‘til the battle is over.
You may treat him like dirt, but nowt will unnerve him
But I wonder sometimes, if the country deserves him.

Note to the poem’s author: If you contact me I will personally shake your hand, buy you lunch and stump up an evening of beer to honour you and your kin.

Herewith the original by Rudyard Kipling – The Young British Soldier

When the ‘arf-made recruity goes out to the East
‘E acts like a babe an’ ‘e drinks like a beast,
An’ ‘e wonders because ‘e is frequent deceased
Ere ‘e’s fit for to serve as a soldier.
Serve, serve, serve as a soldier,
Serve, serve, serve as a soldier,
Serve, serve, serve as a soldier,
So-oldier ~OF~ the Queen!

Now all you recruities what’s drafted to-day,
You shut up your rag-box an’ ‘ark to my lay,
An’ I’ll sing you a soldier as far as I may:
A soldier what’s fit for a soldier.
Fit, fit, fit for a soldier . . .

First mind you steer clear o’ the grog-sellers’ huts,
For they sell you Fixed Bay’nets that rots out your guts –
Ay, drink that ‘ud eat the live steel from your butts –
An’ it’s bad for the young British soldier.
Bad, bad, bad for the soldier . . .

When the cholera comes — as it will past a doubt –
Keep out of the wet and don’t go on the shout,
For the sickness gets in as the liquor dies out,
An’ it crumples the young British soldier.
Crum-, crum-, crumples the soldier . . .

But the worst o’ your foes is the sun over’ead:
You ~must~ wear your ‘elmet for all that is said:
If ‘e finds you uncovered ‘e’ll knock you down dead,
An’ you’ll die like a fool of a soldier.
Fool, fool, fool of a soldier . . .

If you’re cast for fatigue by a sergeant unkind,
Don’t grouse like a woman nor crack on nor blind;
Be handy and civil, and then you will find
That it’s beer for the young British soldier.
Beer, beer, beer for the soldier . . .

Now, if you must marry, take care she is old –
A troop-sergeant’s widow’s the nicest I’m told,
For beauty won’t help if your rations is cold,
Nor love ain’t enough for a soldier.
‘Nough, ‘nough, ‘nough for a soldier . . .

If the wife should go wrong with a comrade, be loath
To shoot when you catch ‘em — you’ll swing, on my oath! –
Make ‘im take ‘er and keep ‘er: that’s Hell for them both,
An’ you’re shut o’ the curse of a soldier.
Curse, curse, curse of a soldier . . .

When first under fire an’ you’re wishful to duck,
Don’t look nor take ‘eed at the man that is struck,
Be thankful you’re livin’, and trust to your luck
And march to your front like a soldier.
Front, front, front like a soldier . . .

When ‘arf of your bullets fly wide in the ditch,
Don’t call your Martini a cross-eyed old bitch;
She’s human as you are — you treat her as sich,
An’ she’ll fight for the young British soldier.
Fight, fight, fight for the soldier . . .

When shakin’ their bustles like ladies so fine,
The guns o’ the enemy wheel into line,
Shoot low at the limbers an’ don’t mind the shine,
For noise never startles the soldier.
Start-, start-, startles the soldier . . .

If your officer’s dead and the sergeants look white,
Remember it’s ruin to run from a fight:
So take open order, lie down, and sit tight,
And wait for supports like a soldier.
Wait, wait, wait like a soldier . . .

When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
An’ go to your Gawd like a soldier.
Go, go, go like a soldier,
Go, go, go like a soldier,
Go, go, go like a soldier,
So-oldier ~of~ the Queen!

Twitter Updates for 2009-08-06

Thu ,06/08/2009